1) I have a greater connection to my patron Goddess, Selene. I had a time at the beginning of the year where I felt that I was actually moving towards being agnostic... I felt that I had no strong connections to any gods and I actually started to wonder if any of them existed at all. I'm not sure just what happened to change that, but somehow I could never fully let go of the idea that there are gods. Little things started occurring that changed me in subtle ways... I lost my scepticism gradually, I started thinking about Selene more and more, whenever I looked at the moon I felt compelled to blow Her a kiss and say "My Lady". Small things, that singly meant nothing, but when taken as a whole meant far more than I at first imagined.
So now, after a time of seeming dis-connection (which I am now thinking was a time for me to step back and really assess my true feelings regarding deities... to see whether my needing Them was real or just desperation on my part... the desperate need to belong to a deity of some sort) I am back with Selene, stronger than ever. I also seem to have found my patron God, too (more below).
2) I have finally accepted that the Greek Pantheon is "mine". I have looked at so many different sets of Gods and Goddesses over the years and none of them really felt "mine"... when I was first attracted to Selene, I thought about the Greek Pantheon, but as is the usual me, I was constantly searching for something I perceived as "better" and was never satisfied in the Greek... I looked at Roman, Celtic, Norse, even a quick peek at Voodoo (I have trouble typing the Loa **shudders**), Sumerian, Aztec/Maya/Inca... even Christianity... none of them really "caught" my interest and I kept coming back to the Greek. I tried for the longest time to have it be the Roman Pantheon, the pantheon that I could understand as my country had been occupied by the Romans, I live near the ancient city of Londinium, there are even Roman remains near me... but no, although I was interested it still didn't sit right.
It was only when I stopped searching for something "other" and just accepted, that for whatever reason, I have been chosen by the Greek Pantheon that I found Pan (or rather, He found me). I had read everything I could get my hands on regarding Selene, and I never recalled reading about Her and Pan being lovers, but They had been (I probably did, but it never registered and I didn't remember it)... it was only when I was reading an article about Pan that I realised why it was Him. Before that the only lover that Selene had that I remembered was Endymion (but although he was given eternal slumber, he was still mortal). Selene was Pan's greatest conquest... from Wikipedia:
Pan's greatest conquest was that of the moon goddess Selene. He accomplished this by wrapping himself in a sheepskin to hide his hairy black goat form, and drew her down from the sky into the forest where he seduced her.
It also explains the pathworking I did years ago (or whatever that was)... the one where I met with a lady with long white blonde hair and the character like Mr. Tumnus from the Narnia books (She was Selene, and He must have been Pan). How I could have associated them together years before I even knew that Selene existed (or had a relationship with Pan) I have no idea... but They obviously gave me a message that I've only just recently known how to decipher!!
